Can Dolly Parton beat Anna Kournikova?

I got the idea for this blog from a friend when he told me that his wife was reading one of my previous posts, and that she was “cracking up” at some of the poker lingo I used.

Since poker has such a colorful language, I thought I’d write a blog about a couple of mythical hands, while using real players from our home games, and using as many poker nicknames, acronyms, sayings, jargon, abbreviations, etc. as humanly possible.  In order to include as much poker language as possible, I think it will take at least a couple of hands.

Let’s set the scenario:  Table 1, early in a NLHE freeze-out tournament, blinds are 100/200 and starting chip stacks were 20,000.

Pre-flop, Walter (a LAG), is UTG, and limps.  Chris, next to act, peeks at Dolly Parton, and in an unusual move for a nit in early position with this hand, also flats.  Then Jerry calls, and Erick, with fishhooks, pops it for 3x.  Paul, sitting on the big stack tosses in 600; James in the hijack seat, three-bets to 1,200 with Cowboys, and Kyle (whose widely regarded as a fish), in the cut-off, comes along.  The Hero, on the button, is excited to look down and see Anna Kournikova (and let’s be honest here, who wouldn’t be), except it’s this Anna Kournikova: rather than this Anna Kournikova: and decides to call, rather than four-bet.  Meanwhile, Randy (who has a dirty stack – as usual) in the small-blind, calls, and Kenny, in the big-blind, feels he’s priced-in, so he completes. Walter, Chris, Jerry, Erick, and Paul all call, making it a family pot.

The Flop is Q-8-6, rainbow.  First-to-act, Randy, checks his suited connectors, 2-3.  Kenny, holding T-T, with an over card on the board, also checks.  Walter checks, and Chris, with a gut-shot, also checks.  Jerry, Erick (who was warned earlier for soft playing his brother), and Paul all check to the raiser.  James, with the over pair, puts out a C-bet of 3,000.  With two overs, I call.  Randy’s cards hit the muck, and Kenny calls.  Walter, our most frequent Bubble Boy, folds.  Chris, with a gut-shot, calls.  Jerry folds, and Erick gives up his fishhooks.  Paul, the only remaining player to not add-on, also folds.

The Turn is a King.  Kenny and Chris check.  With a wet board and not wanting to give anyone a free card, James bets the pot with his set.  Not knowing that James hit his set, I call with top pair and top kicker.  Chris goes in the tank for about five minutes, but eventually calls.

Chris sucks-out on the River, when a 7 hits the board.  He checks his straight, and James bets what he thinks is a value bet of about half-the-pot.  I’m pot-committed and call.  Then, Chris check-raises, with a pot-size bet.  James, thinking Chris is bluffing, shoves.  I lay-down my pair, and Chris insta-calls; and slow rolls James.  James sees the bad news and realizes he’s been felted, and heads to the rail.

Omaha is a game that was invented by a Sadist and is played by Masochists. — Shane Smith

Meanwhile, a mixed PLO/PL8, $1/$2 Cash game with a $5 bring-in, consisting of players already busted-out of the tournament (there was a lot of early action and loose play) is going on at another table.

In this hand, they’re playing Hi-Lo, and Derrick, under-the-gun, opens with $5.  Next to act, Kevin, has a coordinated hand of Q-J-T-9, double-suited, and pots it.  Doc, who’s on tilt, smooth calls with rags.  Todd (a rock) has been on a cooler, and folds.  Kent, who’s steaming because he busted out of the tournament earlier in the night when Andre hit a 2-outer after making a donkey call, is warned after splashing the pot with a call.  Michael, in the hijack seat, has been bleeding chips, and decides to sit-out the hand.  Zack, a calling-station who’s been on a heater after the deck hit him in the head, also comes along with trash.

Choo, on the button, smooth calls with two weak Bullets.  Brad, who busted and re-bought, peeks at his hole-cards, and seeing quad fours, insta-folds.  Andre, who lost a coin flip to get knocked out of the tournament, is in the BB, and tanks.  After Kevin calls the clock on him (even though there isn’t a clock in cash games), Andre decides to call light.

The Flop is all paint, King of Spades -Queen of Spades – Jack of Hearts.

Action is on Andre, and he checks.  Derrick, holding K-K-7-7, tries to protect his top set with a pot-size bet.  Kevin, with all kinds of outs, angle-shoots by cutting-out enough chips to re-pop it, but stops just short of the betting line, and only calls.  Doc has flopped air, and mucks.  Kent catches part of the flop, but is short-stacked and out-of-position, so he decides to fold.  Zack, unaware of his well known tell given off by the manner in which he eats Oreos when he misses the flop; cracks an Oreo open, slowly eats the inside filling, and then bluffs at the pot by re-potting it.Even though he’s a slight dog, Choo, with the nut flush draw, jams.  Andre, with an outstanding low hand of A-2-3-4, folds like a chair.  Derrick calls.  Kevin is priced-in, so he calls.  Zack gives up on the bluff, and folds.

The Turn is the 7 of spades, putting three-to-a-flush on the board.  Derrick misreads his hand, thinking he has a boat, and creates a side-pot with another pot-size bet.  Kevin has turned the second nut flush and smooth calls.  Choo, sitting on the nut flush with A-2 spades, watches since he’s all-in.

The River is an insignificant card, and Derrick, thinking he is trapping, checks.  Kevin checks, and shows his flush.  Derrick tables his cards and states he has a full-house.  Then suddenly realizes his mistake, and that he actually needed the board to pair.  Choo with the nut flush, wins the main pot, with Kevin taking the side-pot.  Luckily for Andre, there wasn’t a possible low after the flop, or he would have been quartered!

So, did Dolly beat Anna?

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3 Responses to Can Dolly Parton beat Anna Kournikova?

  1. Chris says:

    Bob, I’d LOVE to take a peek at Dolly Parton ANYTIME!! ( o )( o )

  2. Zack says:

    Awesome read Bob! Always astounding to think of how many hand nicknames there are in the game.

  3. Derrick says:

    Awesome post Bob.

    I would never mis-read my hand like that, come on man… LOL

    You pegged Kevin K. That was hilarious.

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